I figured it would only be right of me to let you guys know that my other blog, “A Link and a Smile”, will end, stop, die, terminate, close, cease, and expire, on January 25th. (Despite Google’s vivacious attempts to get me to renew.)
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So if there are any links you want to bookmark from that short-lived site, you should hurry before THE END COMES!!!
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Reputation@Stake
I was recently asked by TS Henrik, a fellow blogger (who shall remain nameless), about the predictions that Jackson and I made for 2011. Since I wrote about those prognostications exactly one year ago today, it seemed only fair that I should follow up.
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Well, as some of you know, (Spoiler alert!) it is now 2012. It’s been that way for a few days now (which means it is 2012 no matter what spot on earth you go to) so it’s now safe to check our predictions. I specify “earth” because if you were on like Venus things would be all screwed up, since their day is longer than their stinkin’ year. (Seriously, how do they print up their calendars? Do you go backwards in time? Would you ever have a birthday? Ouch! I think my prefrontal cortex just pulled a muscle.)
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But we’re on earth (physically, at least) so here is how things turned out …
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My 11 predictions for 2011:
1. Some book with the word “worm” in its title, will make it on the New York Times bestseller list.
It was a long shot, but nope. No book involving any invertebrates whatsoever. (Shocking, no?)
2. Obama’s hair will go completely gray.
Not even 50% of his head. I really lost on that one.
3. There will be an earthquake in Belgium.
I didn’t even say “major” earthquake, and still I was wrong.
4. The Tea Party will do something to big-time embarrass themselves.
Granted, this may be up to interpretation, but I’m counting this as a win.
5. NASA will screw up again.
Against all odds, I was wrong.
6. Some idiot (me perhaps?) will point out that: Electric cars could work if you stopped worrying about recharging them, and instead just exchanged your big fat empty battery for a new full one at gas stations. And then car companies will collectively slap their foreheads.
If you don’t count me as an idiot (thank you, I appreciate that), this never happened.
7. Three or more countries will change their names.
I didn’t hear of any, and I was too lazy to look any further than what Google spit at me.
8. Three or more countries will either be created or dissolved.
This one was a bust too.
9. The LHC (Large Hadron Collider) will not find that little Higgs particle they’ve been looking for.
Nailed this one! I don’t think they even found Mrs. Higgs’ particle.
10. There’ll be a YouTube viral video involving a pig.
Well, this one (www.goo.gl/KngEA) has been viewed over 800,000 times (good little piggy), but in Jackson’s pathetic attempt to beat me, he claims “viral” means over one million views. So, I decided to cheat (sort of). I found a video with over 1,500,000 views (www.goo.gl/6b48E) and even though it’s about the Muppets, Miss Piggy is in it, and “pig” is in the title, so I get this one!
11. Six or more of Jackson’s predictions won’t happen.
Well, let’s see how he did …
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Jackson’s 11 predictions for 2011:
1. It will cost more than a nickel to make a nickel.
Turns out, this was the case three years ago! So my argument is that it wasn’t a prediction, even though neither of us knew that fact.
2. Apple won’t come out with anything new that starts with “i”.
He meant totally new; not just a new version of an existing product, so he gets this one.
3. China will land on the moon.
Nope.
4. A celebrity will get shot, but won’t die. (Politicians don’t count as celebrities.)
Nope.
5. A new 24-hour news channel will be added to TV.
Nope.
6. Pepsi will create a totally new soda.
Nope.
7. A human will be cloned in some country other than the US.
Nope.
8. Justin Bieber will be caught in some kind of scandal.
Nope.
9. Somebody will decide that the Patriot Act is overkill and needs to be repealed.
Nope.
10. An artificially created virus will start an epidemic.
Nope.
11. The LHC will accidentally create a black hole that they can’t control and it will destroy and swallow the earth.
Nope. (Whew!)
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Final score: 4 to 2
And that’s including his stupid nickel one. (It was a new year; I was feeling generous.) Clearly we both suck, but just as clearly I trounced his sorry bacon. So four Dr. Peppers have already been handed over. It’s a good start to a new year. May 2012 be as nice and kind and in-your-face and triumphant to all of you.
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Reputation@Stake
It pains me to say this. But much like a splinter that somehow stuck itself into my left hand while getting firewood—despite the fact that I’m pretty sure I wasn’t using that hand—you have to take the spiky bloody thing out with partly-rusted tweezers that take twenty minutes to find because you haven’t used them since last winter—at around this exact same time—you feel the need to tell everyone about it.
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The reason this will pain me, is because I’m much closer to being a Democrat than a Republican (and not just because I like blue more than red—even though that is a perfectly acceptable reason to choose a set of ideological views). But I mentioned this to a coworker, as sort of a joke, and he liked it so much he said I had to draw it up and show people. (Clearly he likes red elephants.) I just demonstrated with my hands when I was saying it to him, but since you can’t see my hands (which are now splinter free, thank you very much) here is the graphic you get:
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Click the image to see it.
(It didn’t fit the dimensions of this blog very well, so I purposely made it small so you’d have to click on it.)
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I’m not trying to be political. I have no agenda other than to get some new tweezers this winter. I’m just an idiot, with a graphics program, pointing out something that I thought was kind of funny.
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Reputation@Stake
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PS – Yes, the post’s title “Out of the blue” refers to both the fact that I haven’t posted anything in a long, long time, and to the fact that this is coming from a (semi) democrat. I’m glad you caught that.
How does that song go, from the musical Evita? Something like, “Don’t cry for me … Stupid Bet.” Something like that? I don’t know who wrote those lyrics but they are very fitting for today. You see, I am going on a blogging sabbatical for a while, and I don’t want Argentina to cry for me. Or you. Or even the internet. Which I know will be hard for the internet (He’s very emotional).
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This blog will still exist, but it will pretty much just sit here like a sloth … after a big meal … on Ambien … with a lobotomy … meditating. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone, but the only place you might see me in the meantime, is on The Non-Review, where I may run an occasional battle, or fill in for Mr. Hendrik when the next big natural disaster hits Tennessee. (You’d think he’d just move.) Anyway, I’ve had a lot of fun with you guys, but there’s just so many other things in my brain begging for my time and attention. (Creative juices can be bossy.) So, I guess I’ll see you around; possibly visiting your blogs from time to time. Have fun while I’m away, and thanks for all the times you’ve come here for a visit.
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Reputation@Stake
You know how it’s rare for me to like another blog enough to bother you people about it? (I think I’ve only done it once before.) I mean, your time is precious. You probably only have enough time to eat, breath, sleep, and read The Stupid Bet. I can’t think of any higher priorities. And I’d rather step on my own tongue than waste your time, but I thought this blog was kinda neat:
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Forgotten Bookmarks
http://www.forgottenbookmarks.com/
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There’s this dude who works in a used-book store, and the blog is all about the things people accidentally leave inside of the books they sell to him. My favorite post (that I’ve read so far) is this one:
http://www.forgottenbookmarks.com/2011/04/twilight.html
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One other random thing I wanted to share is a picture I came across online. I don’t know why I like it so much as to waste your time with it (especially since it kind of creeped Susan out) but it seems like you have extra time today, so here it is:
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Well, that’s it. Show & Tell is now over. You may now eat and breath and sleep.
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Reputation@Stake
I hide it well. I really do. I may have let some of my nerdiness leak out here, more than I do in my normal life, but that’s just because I can’t see you guys role your eyes and look at me like I just got back from nerd camp. (Which isn’t possible, because it’s in July.) But every now and then, when my resistance is down, I slip up. That’s what happened last week when
two women I work with were trying to spell “contemptuous”. (You think the nerd part is that I knew how to spell it, don’t you? No, no. It was much worse.)
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They stopped and asked me, and when they spelled it out loud to me, they accidentally switched the M and the P. Now normally, if I’ve got my head in the game, I would just say, “Yeah, that’s right if you just switch the M and the P,” whether or not that was the first response that came into my head. Unfortunately, I was distracted, and accidentally gave them this regrettable reply: “Well that would break a phonotactic rule.” Dead silence. And that’s usually my clue that I’ve slipped, so I quickly snapped to, and followed that up immediately with a normal response. I fear that the damage was already done, so those lovely eye-rolling ladies will probably never ask me anything again.
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But that got me thinking. How far below the surface is my non-genius, just-geeky, nerdiness? Turns out, not deep at all. Here are just a few examples:
My favorite shape? Circle
2nd favorite shape? Dodecahedron
My favorite color? Gray
2nd favorite color? #022B7B
My favorite animal? Penguin
2nd favorite animal? Ankylosaurus
See? Just below the surface. And maybe it’s even geeky that I have 2nd favorites to so many things. I don’t know. The point is that I have to be vigilant in keeping my guard up, which I have clearly been somewhat successful at, since most people don’t throw gum at me. But you people have been very forgiving. Soon after I started blogging I mentioned that I knew the history of hay, and none of you asked me if I used a pocket protector. In fact, one of you (cough, cough, anna, cough) even challenged me on the point, claiming that you definitely knew more about hay than I did. And that’s why I feel safe writing a post like this, here, since I bet some of you want me to send you a brochure on nerd camp.
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Reputation@Stake
I’m bored. And when I get bored I almost unilaterally choose to do something superficial over doing something worthwhile. Why start taking serious measures to save the environment, when I could try to see if it’s possible to type the alphabet upside-down using just my keyboard? There’s really no good answer to that question.
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Now, before I get to the point of all this, I know your burning curiosity is killing you, so let’s quench that. Here’s the results of my upside-down alphabetic attempt (I couldn’t find anything for the letters F or G, so they’re just dashes):
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The alphabet, upside-down, using a regular keyboard:
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Instead of making you wrench your head around to see how it looks, I’ll flip it:
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Pretty close, right? I know it’s impressive, and you may have an overwhelming feeling to worship me now, but please, wait ‘til I figure out how to make an F and G. (But keep in mind—I prefer living sacrifices.)
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Now admit it, you forgot that there was a point to all this, didn’t you? That’s okay; many of my worshipers get distracted. You’re not alone. The point to all this is that I’m bored, so instead of writing better content on here, I’m just going to try out new themes for this blog with each new post (much like what you see before you today). Style over substance, man. That’s how I roll.
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Reputation@Stake
The planets aligned. In a bad way. And so many planets were involved, I decided to give them names. Hotwaturn, the first planet, exploded in my house. Evidence for this included the “slush!” sound my foot made as I was walking down the hall, plus a visible footprint indentation in the carpet. (Carpets don’t typically show clear footprints. Cue aroused suspicions.) The fact that this evidence was right outside the closet door where our hot water heater resides, led me to believe that an astronomical event must have occurred. And it turned out that Hotwaturn was no longer under warranty.
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The next planets came as a group of three, so I’ve decided to call them Dedlinus 1, Dedlinus 2, and Bob. Never before, in the history of the entire universe of where I work (call it Cubicle Galacticus, if you’d like), have three deadlines, of three major projects, all converged on the exact same week. The collision of Dedlinus 1 and Dedlinus 2 was enough to make me want to take a vacation to a land where it is acceptable to light your hair on fire and bark at trees. But when Planet Bob appeared in the sky, I told Susan she was free to remarry since I wasn’t sure I’d make it out alive.
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Even though Susan seemed appreciative, she didn’t take me up on the offer, which turned out good for me because I did survive, and having another husband in the house would have just been awkward. Instead, though, she decided to toss in another planet, Susisto, which I wish with all my wishing powers was the last planet. As it turned out, I should have studied harder in Wishing School, because her sister coming to stay with us for almost a week, was not yet the end.
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The last planet, Ailmency, became visible in my telescope somewhere around last Tuesday, and hit me so hard that I was forced to take one of my precious sick days off from work—which I prefer to save for times when I feel Surreptitiously Inclined to Carelessly Kickback. In other words, when I feel S.I.C.K. But this time, I think it was a sinus infection. I’m not sure, because I didn’t see a doctor, but since I get like fifty of those a year, it’s a safe guess.
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And so now you can see, the alignment of all of those planets (which my stupid magic 8-ball failed to predict) was the cause of my negligent attendance on blogs and emails. Lesson learned: The universe is dangerous, so get S.I.C.K. on a beach somewhere for the rest of your life.
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Reputation@Stake
Just like a Mob Boss with a rookie cop, I’m planning on using you guys for my own purposes. You see, I’ve got a site: A Link And A Smile. And, yes, I’m calling it a “site” rather than a “blog” because otherwise it would be the saddest excuse for a weblog on the planet—even more so than the one you are currently reading. But as a site, oh!, as a site, well, I don’t know if Nobel Prizes are given to websites, but I ain’t exactly scared to go to Stockholm—know what I’m sayin’?
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Now here’s the part where you come in. My site needs a logo + I designed two = I need your opinion. Instead of offering you something of value for your opinion, I have decided to take the metaphysical route, and hypnotize you with this picture:
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Now that you’re hypnotized, tell me which of these logos I should use:
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OR
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There are three possible answers to this.
You may not, I repeat, not say “both.” If you do, I will get that Mob Boss to manipulate that rookie cop into arresting you.
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Thank you for your gracious help.
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Reputation@Stake
I no longer care what the board of directors of The Stupid Bet say—I’m gonna advertise. (What? Yes, of course there’s a board of directors. How do you think my stock prices have gotten so high. Three cents a share, baby!) I doubt the Board would approve of the ads I’ve chosen, but I feel that I have not annoyed my readers enough. So, I will stuff this post with ads anyway, rather than content (like there was ever much of that to begin with), and see how it goes. Obviously, I need a topic to write about that will bring in hordes of ad-clicking readers, and I’ve decided on Pickles, which seems like a universal concern, so today’s very informative post will be about that.
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Pickles
I hate pickles. I don’t like cucumbers, and I don’t like vinegar, so
why would I like pickles? And yes, for all you Canadian readers, I did just say that I didn’t like vinegar. I know 
that stuff is a staple of yours—almost as much as ketchup—and you put it on everything. You put it on eggs, and burgers, and probably even your children, before they head off to school. But this post isn’t about vinegar, it’s about pickles.
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Pickles were probably invented by some dude, a long time ago, and the history is most likely fascinating. I don’t know, because I’m too lazy to look up any real information. (This post is about the ads, and click-happy readers.) But there is one thing I do
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know, and I realize that this is a very controversial statement to make, but I personally think pickles are greener than avocados. Clearly the Avocado Industry Council (That’s a real group. Yup, that’s the research I chose to do.) is going to be sending me some
hate mail, and my stock will drop to two cents a share, but I don’t care. It needed to be said.
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Well, I’ve stuffed about as many ads in here as I can without it becoming obnoxious, so it seems like a good time to wrap things up. If for some reason clicking on the ads doesn’t take you anywhere, just keep trying—ads are tricky things.
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Reputation@Stake
